


Queer Eye for Will Graham

by MaddyHughes



Category: Hannibal (TV), Queer Eye - Fandom, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Cannibalism Puns, Established Relationship, Fab Five, Gratuitous Use of "YASSS QUEEN", M/M, Makeover, Murder Husbands, Reality TV, Screenplay/Script Format, queer eye, unintentional cannibalism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddyHughes/pseuds/MaddyHughes
Summary: The Fab Five take on their queerest challenge yet: former FBI profiler and reluctant cannibal, Will Graham.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 24
Kudos: 157





	Queer Eye for Will Graham

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is 100% a work of fiction. The Queer Eye characters are not meant to represent the real people who present the show. In real life, Jonathan Van Ness, Tan France, Bobby Berk, Antoni Porowski and Karamo Brown would never engage in cannibalism or abetting murder. 
> 
> Although if they do, I REALLY wanna see that episode.

**CAR INTERIOR. The FAB FIVE are in their SUV. KARAMO BROWN is driving, TAN FRANCE is in the passenger seat.**

JONATHAN VAN NESS (from the backseat): So what _gorgeous_ individual do we have this week, hunnies?

TAN FRANCE (reading from iPad): This week, we have Will Graham. Will is a former law enforcement professional from Wolf Trap, Virginia, he’s 48 years old, and he’s been nominated by his husband, Hannibal.

JONATHAN: He’s a gay! I love doing gays.

BOBBY BERK: Aw, Hannibal, that’s a sweet name. I bet he’s a teddy bear.

TAN: Will is a keen outdoorsman and he loves to sail, hike, fix engines, and fish. He has seven dogs—

ANTONI POROWITZ (bouncing up and down on the backseat): _PUPPIES!!!!!!_

TAN: —and his wardrobe consists purely of flannel, plaid, Dockers and Henley shirts. Oh, dear.

**CUT TO: WILL’S HOME**

HANNIBAL LECTER (in a plaid suit and ridiculous silk tie): I nominated Will because in the past few years, he’s gone through quite an emotional transformation. When I met him, he was a dysfunctional introvert who disliked eye contact and found it difficult to make human connections. I like to think that our relationship has opened him up to new tastes. He’s got in touch with his inner self, travelled in Europe, and slain his own personal dragon. But lifestyle-wise, he’s still stuck in that introvert bachelor mindset, and I can’t seem to shake him out of it. I can feed the caterpillar, I can whisper through the chrysalis, but what emerges… Well, I hope the Fab Five can help with that.

**CUT TO: FAB 5 SUV**

TAN: Hannibal says that Will has spent so much of his life focusing on his job, trying to be the good guy and save the world, that he hasn’t had time to get in touch with his own needs, and develop his own personal style.

**CUT TO: WILL’S HOME**

WILL GRAHAM (in flannels and a beanie): I couldn’t care less about a personal style. I’m much more interested in personal survival.

**CUT TO: FAB 5 SUV  
  
**

TAN: Our task this week is to help Will Graham see that he’s left his old lonely life behind, and help him take this new step forward into his life as a happily married man. We don’t just want him to survive: we want him to live and thrive.

KARAMO: We’re going to make this Graham cracker, into a FIRECRACKER!

FAB FIVE (high fives): Yassssss queen!

**INTRO SEQUENCE. THEME MUSIC:** **_All Things (Just Keep Getting Better)_ **

**TITLE**

**DAY ONE: BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP**

**EXTERIOR: SUV DRIVES UP TO A QUAINT LITTLE HOUSE IN A DELIBERATELY UNIDENTIFIED NEIGHBORHOOD FAR FROM THE EYES OF INTERPOL**

BOBBY: This is cute. I don’t even see any dog poop on the lawn.

TAN: Oh God I forgot about the dogs.

ANTONI: Seven dogs. Seven!!!

(They get out and run to the front door and open it, piling into the house.)  
  
**INTERIOR: WILL’S HOME.**

(Will is fixing an engine on the coffee table, surrounded by dogs. He looks up when the Fab Five tumble into the door.)

BOBBY: Are you Will? Hi!!!

(They all surround Will, hugging him. Except Antoni who is burying himself in dogs. Will raises his eyebrows, bemused and alarmed.)

KARAMO: Not fond of physical contact, huh?

WILL: I…no.

KARAMO: We’re gonna change that.

JONATHAN: You are gorgeous, hunny. Like, super gorge, who even gave you permission?

WILL: Thanks.

(ANTONI catches sight of Will and does a double take.)

**CUT TO: FAB FIVE LOFT**

ANTONI: I’m thinking: is it my imagination, or does this dude sorta look like me?

**CUT TO: WILL’S HOME**

WILL (to ANTONI): Do you sort of look like me? Because Hannibal has a type.

ANTONI: Your husband? Ooh, lucky me.

WILL: “Lucky” is one word for it…

JONATHAN: God, you’re all outdoorsy and lumberjacky and fresh scent of pine forest, I am completely obsessed with you. (Waves his hands below his nose as if he’s inhaling a perfume sample)

WILL: (to JONATHAN): Did you just _smell_ me?

JONATHAN: Difficult not to, hunny.

KARAMO: Do you mind if we look around?

WILL: Knock yourself out.

**CUT TO: FAB 5 LOFT**

KARAMO: Will has this whole ‘don’t touch me’ thing going on. He’s got walls about ten feet high and five feet thick. I’m getting the feeling he finds it difficult to let people in. Fortunately, the Fab Five don’t take no for an answer.  
  


**CUT TO: WILL’S HOME**

BOBBY: Wow, this is nicer than the homes we usually go to. (Pointing to a gilt-framed oil painting.) Is that a Canaletto? A _real_ one?

TAN (in the closet): Ooh, look at these clothes. This tailoring! The fabrics! This is bespoke—and this—and this—I am flabbergasted. They are absolutely bootiful…

…Oh wait. These are Hannibal’s clothes. This is Will’s side, over here, with the flannel. Well. I see the problem.

KARAMO: I don’t know whether to be impressed or worried that there is a full set of Samurai armour in the bedroom. I’m guessing they have some interesting kinks.

ANTONI (opening the fridge and sniffing a container): Um…is this full of blood? (He tastes it, frowns, and tastes it again.) Hmm.

KARAMO (cornering Will): How do you feel about this week, Will?

WILL (shrugging): It’s all right, I guess. I don’t really find this stuff that interesting.

KARAMO: You will.

JONATHAN (appearing): I just wanna drag you to the bathroom so you can talk me through your daily routine.

**INTERIOR: BATHROOM**

  
JONATHAN: This is very much a bathroom of two halves.

(He gestures at the counter. On one one side of the sink there is an old-fashioned shaving brush, shaving soap, straight razor, bottle of aftershave, tortoiseshell brush and comb set, hair cream, moisturiser, etc etc etc. On the other side there is a toothbrush.)

JONATHAN: I’m guessing this half is your husband’s, and this is yours. Do ever the twain meet?

WILL: Sometimes I let him use his straight razor on me.

JONATHAN: Yes but _aside_ from your sex life, hunny. Do you even own a comb?

WILL: …I used to?

JONATHAN: Tell me what you do in here in the mornings, what’s your gorgeous beauty regimen for that gorgeous face.

WILL: I wash my face and brush my teeth. I’ll have a shower if the night sweats were bad.

JONATHAN: Oh darling, we have some work to do.

BOBBY (sticks his head into the bathroom): This is a gorgeous house, Will. The artwork and the décor are beautiful. Tell me if I’m wrong, though, but I’m getting the feeling …

WILL: …That not much of it is mine.

BOBBY: Bingo.

TAN (also sticks his head into the bathroom): Same with the closet. We have a fabulous walk-in with rails and rails of clothes…and then a sad little corner for your plaid shirts.

WILL: I’m really not much of a clothes horse. Unlike Hannibal.

BOBBY: How does that make you feel, though? That this whole place is like, 95% your husband’s, and 5% you?

WILL: I’m married to a person who has very specific and particular tastes.

TAN: But a marriage should be 50/50.

WILL: So, I don’t know if the producers told you, or Hannibal told you, or whoever gives you background information, but I have an empathy disorder. Which means that I spend a lot of time in other people’s heads. The boundaries between others and myself are fluid and shifting. Hannibal and I…we’ve begun to blur. It’s hard to know where I end and where he begins.

TAN: But even with all that blurring, you should at least own a sharp suit, am I right?

**CUT TO: FAB 5 LOFT**

BOBBY: I’m not surprised that Will has trouble seeing where he ends and where his husband begins. Marriage is definitely a blurring of boundaries, but you need your own space, too.

**INTERIOR: KITCHEN**

(ANTONI is spinning around the pristine and well-stocked space, hardly knowing where to focus or what to exclaim over. WILL comes in.)

ANTONI: This kitchen is amazing. It’s like a high-end restaurant kitchen. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many gadgets in a home kitchen before. Or such a well-stocked pantry…!

WILL: You’d be surprised, the sorts of things Hannibal has had in his pantry.

ANTONI (pinching the leaf of a herb between his fingers and sniffing it) And do you like this? You don’t seem like a fancy-food type person, am I right?

WILL: I’ve learned to live with it.

ANTONI: Do you do any of the cooking?

WILL: There’s not much point, frankly.

ANTONI: Like because you don’t want to, or because he won’t let you…?

WILL: I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t come up to scratch. Also, he enjoys doing it so much.

ANTONI: Do you help out at all?

WILL: Occasionally I bring some ingredients home.

ANTONI (stroking a KitchenAid): Well, in some ways this is totally the opposite of the sort of thing I usually deal with, because the range of food and equipment here is extraordinary. But in other ways, this is exactly what I usually deal with, because you seem like the kind of guy who would just as soon eat Taco Bell for two meals out of three. Am I right?

WILL (with the ghost of a smile): You’re not wrong.

ANTONI: Okay, I have a few ideas of how I can help you. (Opening the fridge and revealing its colour-coded contents) Meanwhile, can I taste some of these leftovers?

WILL: Sure, as long as you’re not vegetarian.

**CUT TO: FAB 5 LOFT**

ANTONI: Foie gras. Sausage. Jamón Ibérico. Pressed tongue with truffles. Will’s husband is…holy crow, I see why Will married him. _I_ want to marry him. I think I would weigh about three hundred pounds.

**INTERIOR: LIVING ROOM**

KARAMO: Hey, Will. I wonder if you and I can have a few minutes of alone time?

WILL: You’re not going to psychoanalyse me, are you? I get quite a bit of that on a daily basis already.

KARAMO: I’m no psychoanalist. I’m just a guy who wants to help you reach your full potential.

WILL: I’ve heard that before.

KARAMO: Your husband Hannibal says that you’ve changed a lot since he met you. But that you’re not quite making the final step into your relationship together. Do you think that’s fair to say?

WILL: It was less of a final step, more of a giant leap off a cliff. …But yes. I’m holding back.

KARAMO: You love him, don’t you?

WILL: I love him very much, although as in most relationships, sometimes we want to kill each other.

KARAMO: Why do you think you’re holding back from giving one hundred per cent to this new life together?

WILL: (Will looks down. He bites his lip.)

  
**BACKGROUND: EMOTIONAL PIANO MUSIC**

WILL: Abigail.

KARAMO: Who’s Abigail?

WILL: Our daughter. Adopted daughter. She…died.

KARAMO: Tell me more.

WILL: It was a mistake. It wasn’t meant to happen.

KARAMO: Do you feel guilty about it?

WILL: Hell, yes.

KARAMO: Do you ever talk about her with Hannibal?

WILL: Not if I can help it, no.

  
  
**CUT TO: FAB FIVE LOFT**

  
KARAMO: When Will talks about his daughter, everything about him changes. Instead of being closed off, he’s vulnerable. It’s easy to see that these wounds are still open and bleeding, and they’re never going to heal unless he can talk with his husband about his loss.

**CUT TO: WILL’S LIVING ROOM**  
  


KARAMO: How does it feel when you think about Abigail?

WILL: Like a knife in my gut.

KARAMO: I’d like to open it up so you can think about your daughter in a happy way, so you can share your memories of her with your husband. A little back and forth, a little quid pro quo. Do you think you’re up for that this week?

WILL: I’m going to have to try, aren’t I.

KARAMO (pats him on the back): Don’t worry; we won’t force anything down your throat.

WILL: That will be a refreshing change.  
  
(ANTONI, TAN, BOBBY and JONATHAN come piling into the room, a riot of noise and colour. They all drape themselves around WILL on the sofa. WILL flinches.)  
  
TAN: Are you ready for this week, Will?

WILL: I’m terrified, but that’s normal for me, so…

BOBBY: We’re going to take you from terrified, to terrific!

JONATHAN: YAASSSS QUEEN!

**Author's Note:**

> What will happen next?
> 
> Will Tan find Will the perfect Murder Suit?  
> Will Antoni and Will cook a dish that's acceptable to a gourmet cannibal?  
> How is Karamo going to knock through Will's bone forts?  
> How will Jonathan deal with Will's curl of sex?  
> And...what is Bobby's design?
> 
> I'm up for suggestions and inspiration! I might not use all of them, or even any of them, but if you want to, please do leave your ideas in the comments, and I'll write Day Two as soon as I can.


End file.
